One of the most difficult types of conflict to deal with, in my opinion at least, are those instances when neither side wants to acknowledge that there is even a problem. When both parties are prone to avoidance, the situation becomes more and more insidious and paralyzing. Even though confrontation can be unpleasant, it is necessary in every relationship and there is a point in an avoidance cycle when the denial itself can become aggressive.
In a professional setting, it is sometimes hard to know when to speak up. I had been working as a retail coordinator for a design firm for almost a year, and while I really enjoyed the autonomy, there was almost too much of it. My weekly status meetings were routinely cancelled, and I received little feedback from my employer. If it had been my own business, this would have been fine because I would have been comfortable making big decisions on my own, but I could not move forward on many planned projects because I wasn't getting approval. I was desperate for any kind of feedback, positive or negative. Communication had dropped so drastically that I began to fret about the stability of my position, even though I was assured that I was "safe".
I was left in a state where I could not be proactive, and where I was left constantly questioning at my own judgment. More requests for meetings and feedback were met with more cancellations and apologies. Customers would make inquiries, and I had no answers, projects would start and then be cancelled with little notice. My supervisors were stressed and preoccupied with other aspects of the business. I started to dread going to work, where even though I worked in an office of 15 dynamic people, I felt isolated and useless.
I had never quit a job before, but as the situation worsened and depression set in, I knew that my employers would never be willing or able to discuss the future of my position. After having been constantly afraid that the silence meant that I was about to be let go, I asked for a meeting and told my supervisors the date was concrete and non-negotiable. I drafted my resignation letter, and rehearsed what I was going to say, and with a lump in my throat, went into the conference room. Where I was told that my supervisors couldn't make it, and was next week ok? Luckily, the two other coworkers that I had requested come to the meeting showed up, and I explained my situation. I was making the decision to leave the company and pursue a different career. My coworkers were extremely sweet, supportive, and even congratulatory. When my supervisors finally heard of my decision they were also kind and supportive, acknowledging that I had been put in a difficult situation. The apology felt good to hear, but in hindsight I feel that I should have left much sooner.
Inaction and indecision can be just as hurtful as a direct insult. My departure was clean and amicable, but should have happened months sooner. If you are in a relationship with a partner who ignores you, it's not worth sticking around just because the relationship is familiar and "comfortable". I was just as prone to avoidance as my supervisors, I didn't want to seem rude by pressing the issue or appearing too demanding. By withdrawing, I lost my confidence, and began to blame myself for the lack of feedback even though I knew for a fact that these things were out of my control. In the end it was a question of what I had to do for myself, not for the company.